i sat down and lean my back against the cushion.
the cracklings accompanied my gazing to the fields, covered by vast yellow straws,
with occasionally red flowers, blue flowers here and there.
the sun had begun to set it colors down the horizon.
the feeling i loved most, the breeze..the quacks of birds..the dancing
of the straws and flowers..they sailed me to my childhood memories, though
no fields of straws and flowers involved.
-xqh-
the cried of the baby, soaked her in happiness. she forgot all the sweats, grunts and pains, looking at the baby, that innocent eyes, that small creatures born to the world unprotected.."my boy .." she said.
and the rest of things was like the usual, of preceeding twos
those midnight cries, those mess..
this was the lattest addition to the family of four, and she and her husband agreed to name it hank, sort of hunk mispelled.
she put all her hope to hank, all she missed due to early marriage, all her hope of higher things.
she put those behind along time ago, in the name of love.
no she didn’t feel sorry for her decision nor slightest guilt of not pursuing her ambitions.
but a year ago, when she had begun carrying hank, somehow her dreams and long forgotten wants loomed in and from that day on, everyday she would prayed
for the blessness of the child, for the future of the child.
-xqh-
he was four, and he questioned everything.
why the rain falls? the gods are happy and tears are all over
how do these things sound? nederland
what is 1 times 5? 5
and on and on, the whole day would be filled by silly questions..
and she would put him on her lap, stroke his hair and answered all the questions.
he would feel save, protected and loved. he thought to himself, mommy is mine, forever.
but god would slap him in the face and took her away..
he was five and several days wondered where mommy had gone? everybody seemed to play hide and seek. ah don’t worry he thought, everything would be revealed and mommy would be mine again.
and then one day, one breezey morning, an aunt came and rushed him to bath. no complain she said.hurry and come, she said.
ah the game was over he would thought with winning smile in his heart.
he could not see his mommy but the atmosphere seemed strange to him. and then they ushered here and there. the sun was hot and burning. he could not understand why would they played this far?
and then he would spent days after still wondering, but from the way other looks when he asked about mommy, he knew something was wrong.
his father would beat him with stick for asking, but what hurt most was those looks.
did i do something wrong? did i cause mommy to go away?
and one more of that looks, and he bore the burden of guilt..first nail had been thrusted into his heart.
days and days went..guilt turned into anger and anger turned into shame, so did the nail thrusted deeper and deeper.
until one day he put walls around his heart and shut it from love.
he was six.
tunggu pas dia bertanya…ato u nya
